The Abilene Paradox
If there is one thing that is categorically true about most of our population, it is that we like to fit in. And in pursuit of that goal, we are willing to do a lot of things that we might not necessarily want to or believe in.
Imagine you and your friends decide to go to a movie. Each of you might have a different movie that you’d like to see, but there the group can only choose one movie.
So a movie is suggested by a random member and everyone agrees to it.
While you are heading back home, one of your friends tells you that he didn’t really like the movie. Soon another one joins in and says he didn’t like the movie either but only went along because it would make others happy.
Pretty soon you realise that most people didn’t want to go to that movie, but ended up doing it because they believed that others liked the movie.
This is the Abilene Paradox in action.
This is due to the breakdown in group communications in which members of a group believe that their choice is opposite to that of the group, so they do not object to the choices of others.
Rocking the Boat
The most commonly used analogy when it comes to the Abilene Paradox is the “I didn’t want to rock the boat” example. That is to say, when everyone were rowing in a certain direction, I believed that my idea of rowing in another direction would rock this boat and make things unpleasant. And I assumed that everyone rowing in a particular direction actually wanted to row in that direction.
This paradox can be explained through social psychology and peer influence which state that we are very averse to acting contrary to the trend of a group. There is a certain level of action-anxiety that contributes to our decision to not object which stems from our fear of being viewed in a negative light by other members.
One of the most popular real life examples would be in the realm of politics, where members of a political party toe the party line assuming that to be the choice of other members even if their own values or preferences are different from the party line. This can also be extended to supporters of these political parties.
Bill Cosby [TW]
Yesterday, Bill Cosby was released from prison after serving 2 out of his 10 year sentence. For the longest time, women abused by Cosby didn’t come forward because a lot of them legitimately believed that they might be crazy in thinking that they could take on a cultural icon like Cosby.
Many had reasons to believe that they were not the only ones abused by Cosby, yet they thought that going against him would be hard since no one else was. This became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts and it took years for some of them to break their silence.
TL;DR - They all thought their individual preference (ie; wanting to talk about the abuse) was against the view of the other victims in the group who were also abused by Cosby. So they kept quiet and didn’t raise objections.
Breaking the Paradox
The best way to deal with the paradox is by firstly analysing if an issue is worth the objection. You can let go of trivial things that have super small compromises.
However, when it comes to issues that are against your values or principles, you should cultivate an habit of speaking out.
There is no other way to not break the paradox.
Conformity is not good all the time.
Dialogue and progress often grow out of rational disagreement.
Thanks for reading.